The Trap of Comparing Ourselves to Others
It’s easy to fall into the habit of harsh self-judgment—whether it’s about body size, aging, career achievements, or how well we think we’re meeting society’s expectations. We live in a world that constantly shifts its definition of “enough,” making it feel like we’re always chasing an ever-moving target. One decade, it’s all about being thin; the next, it’s about curves. In one era, having a full figure was celebrated (hello, Marilyn Monroe!), and now society fixates on toned abs and hourglass figures.
But here’s the truth: those standards aren’t fixed—they’re stories society tells us. And if these stories change so frequently, why not choose a story that serves you? You have the power to rewrite the narrative about your worth and beauty.
Recognizing Dominant Discourses and Reclaiming Your Power
Whenever you feel the pressure to fit into societal expectations—whether it’s anti-aging, weight, or lifestyle pressures—it’s important to pause and ask yourself: Where is this pressure coming from? Is it really coming from you, or is it a dominant discourse—the voice of society—that you’ve internalized?
Personally, when I feel stressed about early signs of aging, I remind myself: “I wasn’t worried about wrinkles or grey hair as a child.” That tells me that this anxiety isn’t part of who I truly am—it’s something I learned along the way. And if I learned it, I can unlearn it.
This awareness creates space for conscious choice. When you recognize that societal ideals are temporary—changing with the times—you can decide to no longer let them dictate your happiness. You get to choose what feels right for you and align with the values that make you feel empowered.
From External Validation to Internal Confidence
When we compare ourselves to others, we unconsciously give away our power, letting the world define what makes us valuable. The truth is, people’s beliefs about beauty, success, and worth are shaped by their own experiences, not by any universal truth. For example, one person may idolize youthful beauty, while another finds elegance in aging gracefully. Both perspectives are valid—but they’re subjective.
If someone’s opinion of you is just a reflection of their experience, why not shift the focus to your own experience and how you want to feel? Instead of blowing with the winds of external trends, anchor yourself in your own truth. Choose a narrative that uplifts and supports you, no matter the dominant discourse of the moment.
Reframing Your Story: You Get to Choose What’s True
You have the power to rewrite your story. If the current version of your self-talk is based on comparison or judgment, give yourself permission to change it. What if, instead of saying, “I’m not enough,” you say, “I am exactly who I need to be right now”? If the narrative around your body or appearance doesn’t serve you, why not create one that does?
Imagine that you are the author of your life—how would your story change if you let go of self-judgment and embraced yourself as you are?
Practical Steps to Shift Your Perspective
Curate Your Social Media Feed: Follow people who embrace their bodies, their age, and their imperfections. If you feel pressure around aging, seek out influencers who celebrate their gray hair or wrinkles. If body image is a struggle, follow plus-size models or body-positive influencers, like Iskra Lawrence, who radiate confidence. Surrounding yourself with these messages will shift your mindset toward self-acceptance.
Reflect on What You Admire in Others: Identify people you admire who are older, curvier, or otherwise different from mainstream ideals. Ask yourself: What do I value in them? Is it their confidence, wisdom, or creativity? Then ask: What makes me think others can’t value me for the same qualities? This exercise will help you see that value is not tied to meeting societal expectations.
Practice Self-Compassion: When you notice yourself being self-critical, pause and take a deep breath. Ask yourself: Would I say this to a younger version of me? If not, it’s likely a message you’ve picked up from the world around you. Replace it with a kinder, more empowering message... one that your inner child would approve of.
Anchor Yourself in Your Own Values: Write down what you value most in yourself—whether it’s kindness, authenticity, intelligence, or creativity. Use these values as a compass to guide how you view yourself, regardless of external opinions or trends. When you feel yourself slipping into comparison or self-judgment, revisit these values and ask, Am I embodying what truly matters to me?
I also remind myself that I did not incarnate on this Earth just to look beautiful or age like Anne Hathaway (seriously, though—what’s her secret?). I came here for a bigger, more meaningful purpose—and so did you. We are here to connect, create, grow, and discover who we are at a soul level. Beauty is just one tiny sliver of the human experience—it’s not the whole point of our existence.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed by societal pressure, take a deep breath and reconnect with the truth: Your worth is not defined by trends, appearances, or fleeting standards. You are here for something much more profound, and no dominant discourse can ever take that away from you.
Final Thoughts: Take Your Power Back
When you stop letting the opinions of others define your worth, you reclaim control over your life. It’s okay to rewrite your story as many times as you need. Every time you shift from judgment to self-compassion, from comparison to self-acceptance, you’re choosing to live on your terms.
Society may change its standards again tomorrow, but when you anchor yourself in your truth, you’ll always have the freedom to be confident—no matter the decade or discourse. You get to decide what’s true for you.
Give yourself permission today to rewrite your story. What kind of story will you choose to tell?
With Love,
Kristin
P.S. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of comparison, self-judgment, or struggling with confidence, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I’d love to support you on your journey toward self-love and inner peace. Whether it’s through hypnotherapy, holistic healing, or personalized coaching, we’ll work together to rewrite your story in a way that empowers and uplifts you.
You deserve to feel confident and free, no matter what society says. If you’re ready to take the first step, reach out today—I’d be honored to walk alongside you on this path to self-acceptance. Let’s make confidence your new style, no matter the trend. 💛
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